landscape kiss


dear quincy,

now that you are 21, we could've gone to new york and you could have drunken yourself into a stupor and written something that i would've thought was beautiful and you would've thought was shit and never shown anyone.

i still miss you.

i think i need to go to sleep now.

happy birthday.

love: stacey.
landscape kiss


dear quincy,

last night i had a dream that we discussed you turning 20.
you said that it was going to suck and i wanted you to be less pessimistic so i told you that it was a lot of fun.
we smoked an entire package of DuMaurier Extra Lights King-Size between us and then felt sick and you gave your customary, "these seriously taste like chinese food sometimes" speech which i never tire of hearing.
i asked you what you wanted for your birthday and you said "nothing." and explained to me that birthday's are just another stupid ritual that people go through to make themselves feel better except that it never really works because everyone forgets that it's your birthday and doesn't buy you anything or call and then you get angry because they forgot and now your friendship is ruined...all because you managed to be out of your mother's womb for another fucking year.

well said.

i still, of course, gave you my speech on why i enjoy celebrating birthday parties and you thought it was very sweet of me to say so but you still didn't want me to get you anything.

i bought you flowers anyway.

you don't have to thank me, really. i know you love them.

you can repay me by getting me something awesome on my birthday.

oh, you can't? oh right...i forgot. that's ok.

well...maybe some other time then.

great dream though, huh?! and good timing.

yeah, dreams are pretty interesting.

HA! no...i'm not sure what that one means. maybe i'll have to look into it.

what do you mean stop embarassing you!!! you?!?!?! embarassed?!?!?! you MUST be joking.

ha!!! ME shut up?!?!??! i'm not even doing anything!!!!!

well that was just mean.

apology accepted.

i love you too.

listen to an angry rant? why of course i will.

what? totally lied. 20 actually sucks balls. and there's no one around to encourage me to skip school anymore. everyone seems to be really gung ho about it. i know that if i ever told YOU i just wanted to sleep in and hang out all day you'd be all for it. haha. i'm sure i'd feel very loved but i'd probably fail all of my classes.

oh!! i should only skip a FEW classes. the LESS IMPORTANT ones. haha. got'cha.

well...i should go. know as well as i do that i don't really want to.

i would love to stay but you know...there's that whole living vs. not living barrier thing. the powers that be like it when i stick close to the material plane.

oh shut up....i'm not a dork. well...i'm not a TOTAL dork....there are dorkier people than me.

what?!?!?!?! YOU'RE A DORK!!!!


good thing i'm tougher than you or that might've hurt.


oh yeah...laugh it're sooooooooooooooo funny.

ha. ha!

seriously....i have to go.

don't give me that look. you know i'd rather not.

well....maybe i'll come back tomorrow.


i guess i'll.....see you.

i love you too.

i love you.

happy birthday.
  • Current Music
landscape kiss

your own personal jesus

dear quincy,

so i'm sitting in my living room watching blade fucking trinity and trying not to be an asshole and point out all of the plot inconsistancies and retarded things ryan reynolds is going to say but hasn't yet and suddenly i'm thinking about you and all those fucking times you made me watch blade fucking two.

then i remember that i cried the first time i saw the matrix fucking revolutions because they have that sex scene and trinity holds neo and says she's there for him and it's all very romantic and fucking melodramatic and all i could really think about was missing you, you asshole, because the seat next to mine was very purposefully and noticably left empty so that i could clutch the arm and have a heated discussion with you in my head that mostly just consisted of me saying, "hey, stop that." and you looking confused and saying, "ok." like most of our "heated discussions."

also, you would've liked sin city even though you don't like hookers. i think that you would have watched the trailer a lot, and made me see it in the theatres more than once, but that's ok, cause i know you would've picked up the bill.


p.s. i don't care if you have superpowers. stop laughing at me because i like to watch Xena: The Warrior Princess.

  • Current Music
landscape kiss

frequent questions...

a lot of the time i recieve blank stares, teary eyes, and questions. many, many questions, one of the most prominent of which is along the lines of, "Would you life have been better if you had never known Quincy?" "Do you ever wish you hadn't met him?" "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't
gotten together?".

Yes I wonder. All the time. But I wonder about a lot of things. There are a lot of choices I have made over the course of my life that, had I chosen differently, would've changed the path I've taken dramatically. The same is true for anyone, really. Not believing in fate, destiny, or God, I'm inclined to hold myself accountable for the things that go right, or wrong in my life that are directly related to choices I've made.

Do I ever regret knowing Quincy? And becoming as involved with him as I did? No. Never. Directly and indirectly Quincy has helped me discover more about myself over the course of a single year than most people learn over the course of their entire life-time. Not to mention that i've mostly exhausted the entire spectrum of emotions. I doubt i'll have to use most of them for a while, but hey, least now I know what to expect! :P

I probably would have been more ignorant, a little less jaded about life, maybe a little less sad, and I'm positive that I wouldn't be in my current relationship, or be connected in any way with a lot of the people I currently know. I doubt I would be living in vancouver and I would be infinitely less confident with MYSELF than I am.

Would my life be better? I doubt it. Different, but not better.
Do I ever wish I hadn't met him? Not for a second.
Do I ever wonder about how things would have been different? Of course. But in the grand scheme of things, wondering doesn't amount to much.


"And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss, the dance"
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    lean on me - the temptations