||[Dec. 7th, 2004|11:29 am]
I Probably Hate You
|||||lean on me - the temptations||]|
a lot of the time i recieve blank stares, teary eyes, and questions. many, many questions, one of the most prominent of which is along the lines of, "Would you life have been better if you had never known Quincy?" "Do you ever wish you hadn't met him?" "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't
Yes I wonder. All the time. But I wonder about a lot of things. There are a lot of choices I have made over the course of my life that, had I chosen differently, would've changed the path I've taken dramatically. The same is true for anyone, really. Not believing in fate, destiny, or God, I'm inclined to hold myself accountable for the things that go right, or wrong in my life that are directly related to choices I've made.
Do I ever regret knowing Quincy? And becoming as involved with him as I did? No. Never. Directly and indirectly Quincy has helped me discover more about myself over the course of a single year than most people learn over the course of their entire life-time. Not to mention that i've mostly exhausted the entire spectrum of emotions. I doubt i'll have to use most of them for a while, but hey, least now I know what to expect! :P
I probably would have been more ignorant, a little less jaded about life, maybe a little less sad, and I'm positive that I wouldn't be in my current relationship, or be connected in any way with a lot of the people I currently know. I doubt I would be living in vancouver and I would be infinitely less confident with MYSELF than I am.
Would my life be better? I doubt it. Different, but not better.
Do I ever wish I hadn't met him? Not for a second.
Do I ever wonder about how things would have been different? Of course. But in the grand scheme of things, wondering doesn't amount to much.
"And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss, the dance"